I need to take a minute to “look back in anger,” but also wistful nostalgia for the bliss of ignorance at the suit of clothes set of beliefs I used to hold: equality, liberalism, universal outcomes – in short everything on the Left side of the mountain.
As tedious as dividing everything, people, politics, music, culture, philosophy, indeed all things into “Left” and “Right,” and as without subtlety and nuance as those two somewhat arbitrary columns my be, at the end of the day I believe all things can be salted down into one slope of this mountain or the other. You either love your people or you don’t, you either believe in the myth of equality, or the truth of nature and it’s uneven outcomes. You’re either going to serve God or the devil. And while it’s true that we on this earth have endless examples of the duality that we live in continually, life and death, pleasure and pain, joy and sorrow, righteousness and wickedness, and all life is a constant struggle and mix of the two; I believe it’s ultimately one way or the other. I’m in our politics because I believe in first principles. I got to this place because I couldn’t ignore my Leftist contradictions. I’d have been happy in some ways to remain a blissful hippie and just go about my business viewing humanity as an undivided whole. The problem is I’m a moral absolutist; I’ve always been one deep down, even when I was a Leftist. I think human beings are far too flawed to just make up a law unto themselves. People lack understanding, they are selfish, people lack perfection in every way, so how could they understand that which is perfect? I’ve no axe to grind with Pagans because they start from the first principal of honor, and are taking their own path in trying to find righteousness, and although I disagree with them, they remain my brothers and allies because we’ve both identified what we’re up against in this depraved world. I have a battle axe of war for any philosophy that is relative. One will always make excuses for their actions and justify themselves, and I fundamentally deny a man’s authority to do so in the face of God and creation; I’ll fight moral relativism any day of the week, and twice on Sunday.
Second Corinthians 6-14 comes to mind. Although I admit I contradict myself by quoting that scripture, I am, like you – trying to understand.
2 Corinthians 6:14, NIV: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
I used to be a Leftist. I once believed in equality. I used to think people were basically good, and could evolve into higher levels of understanding. I was an anti nuclear activist, and an anti war organizer of protests to the fist Gulf War (while my brother served in it.) I was a vegetarian. I considered myself a Buddhist. I grew marijuana. My friends had dreadlocks and patches on their clothes, all smelled like weed and patchouli, played frisbee, and went to drum circles in the park. My friends had steamer trunks full of Grateful Dead concert tapes. I was raised with Leftist priors, and thought MLK was a good man. I honestly tried to be kind to everyone whoever they were. (Still do in a Christian way) I was friends with punk rockers, friends with heavy Metal stoner dudes, friends with skaters, and Goths. I didn’t have any problems with cowboys. The few cholos and wiggers I knew were ok to hang out with at a party, the only people I didn’t like were Conservative Republicans, and the vague “enemies” of the establishment in Washington who ran things; at the time I would have probably told you those were rich White men.
I was sorry for what we did to the Indians, and thought they were wise and magnificent. Indians were all over my wall. I adored all sorts of black music, and regularly enjoyed listening to it. I slept with any and all women I was able to, and never once thought about finding one to marry.
I won’t go into the long story of how I got from that guy I was in my twenties to who I am now in my late forties (I’d have to write that in another essay); suffice to say that although I’m a Christian, I think the Taoist symbol of the yin and yang is illustrative; you’ve got one whole circle, then inside of that you have two equal parts. The tails are what’s most interesting to me; that must be all the “gray” areas. Perhaps that’s the part where even though one stands in an absolute position on something, it descends in width into the other equal part. It’s like when I was a young man and I met people who were living off the land in north east Washington state who weren’t hippies, but rather bearded guys in camo who packed guns and were anti government but like me were into organic food and hated the government, albeit for different reasons than I did at the time. It’s when “Horseshoe Theory” first occurred to me and I read about it. It kind of blew my mind to consider that there were others who agreed with me on certain points but not others; because at the time I figured that it was a package deal, if you grew organic food, then of course you agreed with all the other Leftist priors; you were pro choice, pro gay, (I secretly didn’t like that one much even when I was back there, but I kept it to myself,) anti war, and not a Conservative. That’s the thing about Leftisim, it’s a package deal, and if you accept one of its tenets, then it’s expected that you adhere to all of its planks. Back in the nineties Leftism didn’t have such a strident anti white tone yet, there was political correctness, but Leftism hadn’t fully developed its theory of “the original sin of Whiteness,” and still had some basis in Marxist theories of economics and class struggle, some residual “old Left” ideas about workers were still around, Leftism still mentioned environmentalism and advocated for it in more sincere ways, and feminist women didn’t seem to hate men quite so much, they just made riot girl music, (that I liked,) and bitched and screamed about how crappy guys were; they still wanted to sleep with you if they got horny. In other words Leftism in the nineties made more sense, and was more of an all encompassing threadbare wool sweater, rather than the black block uniform for a fat internet Lefty with Cheeto fingers that it is now. Leftism was just the prior, (and it still is for those back there in it,) for everyone you knew, all the bands that you heard, and the indoctrination that ‘Nazis’ were uniquely evil, and being a racist was beyond the pale was very strong even then. I remember my boomer Mom getting in a fight with my WWII era Grandparents when we were watching some news, and a political argument ensued where they said that my Mom brainwashed me with Leftism, and she stomped off in a huff taking me with her. It’s only now that I can see my Grandparents were exactly right; all the tenets of the Left are baked into the bread you eat, the shows you watch, the ideas you’re exposed to, the history you get to read, the very air you breathe; the way to understand our enemies is to start from a place were everything can be taken for granted. It’s never occurred to a Leftist that they could be wrong. There is never at any time an attempt to even hear the other side out. You get about as far trying to have an honest conversation using dialect and reason to make a case either way in an argument with a Leftist, as a preacher of The Gospel would spreading his word in the Misjid al-Haram mosque in Mecca.
I’m a third position National Socialist now. History and objective reason took me here. You either love the truth or run from it if it offends your self-made truths. And as much as things change, is as much as they stay the same. It’s weird to still love lots of music I loved when I was on the other side, (Nazi Leonard Cohen fan anyone?) I’m still I’m into organics and sustainability. We can be anti war without being pacifists. We don’t have to invade other peoples countries; we just require control of our countries. I love meat, but the Fuhrer was personally a vegetarian. There is room here for more than one approach. I was blown away when I realized the deep ecology of many National Socialists, and how all conservation measures have been started and pushed by White people. Wilderness and ecology belong to us, not the Left. Conversely so do technology and innovation. Our people are big enough in vision to reach for the stars, or be content with an apple tree in blossom. We can wait for the fruit. When I realized that everything from rule of law to timber frame houses, from stone aqueducts to craft beer, from first principles themselves, to checks and balances and justice itself, are gifts that my people thought about and bestowed on the world, I can do no less than stand for it and defend it all with my last breath.
The Left shouldn’t have moved the goalposts. Maybe if they hadn’t blamed my people for all the evil of the world instead of blaming the sin nature of Humanity, I might have stayed asleep longer. If they could have continued to teach “not to see color,” instead of rubbing my nose in shit while my people are being attacked, murdered, raped, slandered, and replaced in our own nations, I might have continued to sing Kumbaya with them, and continued to fight for equality and perhaps even equity (with my White pathological altruism,) instead of investigating nature and nature’s God as empirical process demands. I’m now an implacable enemy of Leftism. I’m glad I spent all of those years in the Left; it gives me good insight into how we can crush them.